Dental Jokes - I

Patient: Doctor, I am extremely nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Do not worry, it is my first extraction too.


Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don’t you marry her?
Dentist: I cannot afford to. She is my best patient.

Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.
Patient: Okay doc, but do not forget to send your bill to the other man.

When a new dentist set up in a small town, he quickly acquired a reputation of being the latest kind of “Painless” dentist. But a local lad quicky disputed this. “He’s a fake!” he told his mates. “He’s not painless at all. When he stuck his finger in my mouth, I bit him – and he yelled like anyone else.”


Dentist to parsimonous patient “No, we give no discount for empty spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs Borde!”


Young charlie to dentist’s sexy chairside assistant “Aha! Are you the lady orthodontist ?”.
The lady replied “No, but I’ll straighten anyone’s teeth”
A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well and they decide to go to the girl’s place for a drink.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at him and said, “You must be a dentist!”
Flabbergasted, the guy responded, “Why yes. That is amazing. How did you determine that?”
The woman replied, “Easy… you keep washing your hands.”
Well, one thing led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and more passionate and… (*snip*)
After their passionate deed was done the woman remarked, “You must be a GREAT dentist!”
The guy was incredibly surprised and said ‘Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist… You amaze me! And how did you know THAT my dear?
‘ His lover said, “That is easy. I didn’t feel a thing.”
Stammering charlie to dentist’s sexy secretary “I have an appointment to get my morals – er molars checked.”


Young lady to father “Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor ”
“Dentist” “Why father ?” “We have only one heart, but 32 teeth !”
Patient to Dentist: “How much to get my teeth straightened ?”
“Twenty thousand bucks” Patient heads for the door. Dentist to patient: “Where are you going ?”
“To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent.”
A particularly voluptuous lady entered the dentist’s surgery in an obvious state of agitation. The dentist tried to calm her down assuring her that he would do nothing to hurt her. She sat down in the chair and started fidgeting nervously as the dentist began sterilizing all the required equipment. When he asked her to open her mouth, she screamed.
So he tried to calm her down again even though he was losing patience.
Almost immediately the lady threw a hysterical fit, then realising that the dentist had begun glaring at her, she said, “Oh doctor, I’m so nervous. I hate dentists. Why, I think I’d rather have a baby than have a tooth drilled.”
Replied the dentist ” Well Miss, better make up your mind fast so that I can accordingly adjust the chair.”
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to the hotel that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth.” The man said, “No problem.” With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
“Try these,” he said. The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said. The man then said, “I have another pair…try these.” The speaker tried them and responded, “Too tight.” The man was not taken back at all. He then said, “I have one more pair…try them.” The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.” With that he ate his meal and gave his address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. “I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.” The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m the local undertaker.”
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friend with him. While he’s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table and finishes them off.
As they’re leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, “Thanks for the peanuts.” She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures, I can only suck the chocolate off ‘em.”
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: with pain Rs.200 and without pain Rs.100. Patient: how well, without pain it’s cheaper. Pull it WITHOUT pain. ……Without anaesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh !!!!! Hey, WITH pain it costs Rs200 !!!, replies the dentist.
Patient:  How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: Rs200
Patient:  Rs.200 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
What’s worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
Having your dentist tell you.
Dentist says to the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don’t want to miss the 4 o’clock cricket day-night game.
Patient:  Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist:  Wear a brown tie…
A patient asked the dentist if it wasn’t nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone’s mouth.
The dentist answered “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”


( I ) In the above section, you have seen the fictional lighter side of Dentistry.
In SECTION IIA & SECTION IIB , we expose you to the bizarre factual side of dentistry – what some folks have actually got done to their teeth & surrounding structures.
( II )More jokes….DENTAL – JOKES II